The Sound of Horror

October 31, 2011


Hey kids. Want to hear the sound of true horror on Hallowee’en?

First take your pumpkin. Choose your pumpkin with care – for example, it can’t be the first pumpkin you bought, because you’ll have left that at Sainsbury’s checkout when you were doing that way-ahead-of-the-game thing last weekend.

So take the second pumpkin – the scabby one that you bought at 5.03pm today. You’ve got ten mins before pickup-time. You’ll need to find the one knife in the drawer that cuts things.

YES it’s never going to be what you’d be carving if you’d been brave enough to develop an ounce of real creativity in your twenties, instead of crying in Soho and generally pursuing (possibly overtaking) the dysfunction train.

But that’s okay: MOVE ON. The kids are going to love this one; if this weren’t a key element in their happy ‘kin Halloween then you wouldn’t have gone back for mank-o-pumpkin in the first place.

And actually, it’s really looking pre-e-tty good. It gestures towards (but undercuts) the obvious pop culture references, without over-reaching. The irony is light-touch; and it’s not impossible, around these East London parts, that its nods to vintage Argento will be remarked upon.

When you hear your iphone go in the other room, and scramble to answer, you’ll have 2 – 3 seconds of actual real-life slomo as you note, switchback towards, and fail to catch the pumpkin rolling from the worktop. The dull plosive thud as it meets the floor is… well, it’s the sound of horror, as any sfx person will tell you.

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